Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Well, I am happy to say that I am a mom to a beautiful daughter! She is nearly 6 months old now, and boy has it been crazy around here!

 I am quite enjoying being a mom, but it really has been a change for my husband and I. I had a c-section. After baby, I was very sore, but still frisky feeling. I was "threatened" (not really LOL) by my doctor not to have sex for 6 weeks, and at first I didn't want to risk hurting my incision. I made up for it by giving my husband head when I was awake enough and baby was napping. At my 2 week appt, my doc basically gave me the go ahead to get it on, but wanted to make sure I didn't get knocked up again. The next day we gave it a try. It was a bit uncomfortable, but got better in time.

Six weeks out, I started on birth control. I haven't been on BC in years. It was pretty horrible. It totally took away my sex drive and made me feel, well, hormonal.I chose the pill because I do not want anything long term, because I would like my kids to be semi-close in age. I made the decision to go off of it because I do not like the way it makes me feel.  I have mixed feelings about it. I have fertility issues, so getting pregnant was not easy. I used no birth control for over 3 years without a single pregnancy (though, we would have been happy to have it happen). I am not too worried about getting pregnant again coming off BC. I know it could happen, but I don't think it will without other interventions. I would be ecstatic to get pregnant, honestly, but maybe more towards this winter or next spring. As of right now, whatever happens, happens.

So, right now my husband and I need to work to get our spark back. Between my zero sex drive and the baby, we haven't had too much time alone. I am vowing to make a change and get back in my groove. I am super self-conscious about my post-baby body. I didn't have a perfect body before. I was self-conscious before, but I know my body has changed. I am finding it really hard to feel sexy. My lingerie doesn't fit the same. I, quite frankly, feel gross. My husband shows me how much he loves my body, so I am trying to focus on that and not so much on my imperfections.

I am hoping we can try some new or different things. I hope I can get the spark to write again. I found some of my old stories. I was about 16 or 17 when I wrote them, so they are pretty horrible. I was an inexperienced virgin writing about everything lesbian sex to group sex... Maybe I should rewrite/update them a bit and post them here. I am a bit embarrassed about them, but you gotta start somewhere!

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