Thursday, January 12, 2012


So, I mentioned briefly in my introduction post about how I did some cam sessions during my role-playing days. It feels insane even typing about this seeing as there is only one other person that knows I did that at all. I am not quite sure what he thinks of it either. He is definitely someone who doesn't speak about what he is thinking often. I really wish I knew what was going on in that head when he gets those funny facial expressions. I think he may be intrigued? Curious about what I was like? I'm not sure. Hopefully not turned off by the thought. I have told him a bit about it. It's a lot easier to type it out though, rather than tell all the details out loud. It kind of makes me feel embarrassed I guess, to actually say what I did.

I am not sure what actually pushed me to begin camming, but it was probably at the urging of my followers. I was pretty steadily posting pictures and role playing with quite a few over AIM at the time. I had a pretty good amount of "regulars" that always commented on my posts and corresponded with me. I created an AIM account and a yahoo messenger account, and shared it with them. In the evenings I would get online and chat with the first person to message after I logged on. I would then go invisible because I could not keep up with all the messages I received. Occasionally I  would talk to two at a time.

It usually started out the same. Compliments and telling me how sexy I was, or what they wish they could do to me. They would usually ask how wet I was or if I was naked. I had quite a few regulars that wanted to role-play with me. With one guy, we would play the stereotypical teacher/naughty student. He liked to RP that he saw I wasn't wearing panties and I needed punishment. That it was naughty to tease men like that if I wasn't going to give them what they wanted. He quite liked spanking and pulling hair. It was interesting to say the least. Others just wanted to RP as if it were "you and me" and what would we do to each other. Some just wanted a play-by-play of what I was doing to myself and they told me what they were doing in response.

More and more I was getting asked about getting on cam. I really had not considered it before but I kinda liked the idea of people watching me. I decided to go for it. I posted to my journal that I was going to do a live show and if anyone was interested in watching, I would be on yahoo at this particular time.

I got a cam set up on my headboard, giving a whole body view, but making sure my face was obscured. I dressed up in a silky camisole, thong, garter belt and stockings. At the set time I logged in and I got so many messages! I opened up my cam to my friends list and then they could see me live, for the first time. After getting warmed up by chatting a bit, I began my little show.

I began by softly caressing myself over my clothes. I slowly lower my straps to my camisole, exposing my tits. I gently played with my hard nipples and then applied lotion to my whole breast, vigorously massaging. Once I began to get worked up, I seductively took off my garter belt and stockings and touched myself under my thong before taking that off too. With on hand I massaged my clit and the other I pinched my nipples. I got so worked up, I grabbed the lotion bottle and rubbed it between my pussy lips and across my clit. It was pretty exciting but I just couldn't get myself to cum on cam. Nerves perhaps.

After that first time, the requests rolled in for more. I began making videos and posting them to my journal, and then to a community I created for my so-called VIPs. I did many group cam shows as well as few one on ones. Those were pretty interesting because they would get on cam too. It is such as rush to see someone get themselves off to you. There was a pretty varied group people. Some women that watched my cams (but I never chatted or cammed one on one with them), young guys, older guys... I had a regular Aussie guy as well as an older guy that liked to jack off to me. I had readers send pictures of their dicks against my pictures, jacking off to them, even cumming on my pictures. I had people buy me a paid account for my journal and send me videos or even their own erotica starring me. It was nuts.

It's been about 5 years since I did all of that. It's kind of been my dirty little secret. I told myself that I wouldn't tell anyone I got into a relationship with, but changed my mind later. I did experience some guilty feelings about it. Do I regret doing it? Yes and no. Yes because it sort of makes me feel dirty, in an unsexy way. Sort of cheap I guess. I also don't because it made me feel good about myself. I have very bad self esteem and it felt nice to be told I was desirable, even if it was just talk from Joe Blow on the internet. I don't care if they really meant it or not. I also don't regret it because it helped me blow off steam and not do something else I would regret, such as sleeping around.

I had sexual urges that were satisfied and I didn't make any real-life mistakes due to raging hormones. I am happy to say my man is my one and only. Other guys may have seen my body, but HE is the only one that has HAD my body. I don't regret that at all.

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