Saturday, January 14, 2012

Well this weekend is off to a great start! My man (which we had decided needs a "name" to be referred to, but I am still thinking on that one!) and I went out and had good food for dinner, ran some errands, and then came home where I did a quick change to some lingerie for him. Things got better from there, that's for sure. Now I'm just basking in the after-glow, while he is peacefully asleep beside  me. This will be a three day weekend for us, so lots of time for fun and relaxation.

I am not sure what we are going to do tomorrow, but I am thinking about hitting up one of our local adult stores. We have been to one of the three locally. It was just a little place with a huge porn section but a not so big toy section. We didn't end up getting anything that visit. I am thinking about visiting one of the others to check out their selection, but also because the other two have arcade rooms and one has a theatre. I really don't see us utilizing either one at this point, but it would be nice to check them out for future reference.

I mostly want to get some different lube or something for us to use this weekend. I would like to get some silicone or hybrid lube to try out since we have stuck with water based or oil for the most part, when we use lube. For fucking, we don't ever use lube or need it (unless it's anal) because I get so, so wet. Not that's a bad thing. I typically use it for hand jobs and giving him head when my saliva isn't enough. I should have ordered some when I bought toys last night, but it wouldn't do us any good this weekend since my package isn't due to arrive till Tues/Wednesday. 

I am thinking about picking us up some porn while we are there. To be honest, we have never watched porn together and we don't watch it on our own... I have watched porn when I was single, and I know he has. For me, at least, I have a problem with porn in the sense that if you are watching it but turning down sex, that's a problem. If you are sneaking around to watch it, like when someone leaves for the store/errands/etc and you watch it when they are gone, then that's a problem (for me).  If you lie about watching it, but the site history or whatever is there, that's a problem. I want to be open in a relationship, and not feel like one is sneaking around because the other partner may not approve. I think there are huge issues if one partner can jack off to porn but doesn't want to have sex. That could mean multiple things and none are good (again, in my opinion).

I am so not against porn. It was a fantasy of mine to be in porn back in high school (Haha). I just would like to play an active role in my spouse's sexual . I want to be the one that turns him on, not some silicone tit, sized 0 replica Barbie-doll. I want to give him that release, even if I don't get anything in return. I want to keep him satisfied. That may sound unrealistic to some, but that is what I want in my relationship.

I will admit to watching bit of porn myself. I have never bought any or paid for it over the internet, but I have utilized free porn video sites. I have looked at pornographic pictures and read hard-core and fetish erotic fiction. I enjoyed it, for the most part. I am interested in bring porn into our relationship as something we could share as a couple. Something to help mix things up occasionally. I am a bit apprehensive about it though.

First off, there are SO many types of porn. I have watched mainly group sex, amateur, and couples/3sums (MF/MMF/FF/MFF combinations). I am not so into just watching a girl or guy masturbate. I am not into barely legal shit either. I can't stand spitting. I fucking hate seeing a girl spitting repeatedly on a guys cock. It just turns me off. I just don't know if we would find something the two of us will find appealing. I would like something with a story line, blow jobs, cunnilingus (HOT for sure), maybe a bit of girl on girl... I like pretty vanilla stuff. I am interested in squirting, being a squirter myself. I dunno. There is just so much out there.

I am a little scared that this will be a bit of a trigger for me. I have touched on the fact I have very low self esteem. It is something I struggle with every day. Some days are better than others. I have had things like that trigger me into those dark places. I think it is seeing good looking, skinny naked women that makes me self conscious at times. I am also concerned about how I will feel seeing the Mr. aroused over someone else. I don't quite like that idea. It gives me a bit of a inferiority complex.

As for me, the guys in porn do nothing for me. The girls really don't either, but the idea I suppose is what turns me on. Imagining it was you in that situation, maybe? I'm not sure. The guys typically skeeve me out and in general I hardly take notice of the opposite sex, besides the Mr. I guess porn can be a bit inspiring. It makes me want to try more adventurous things. I guess this is one we will just have to test the waters and see how it goes. Maybe this will be a great, fun thing for us. Maybe it will be a horrible idea and we won't have to watch it again. I'll keep you updated.